HALLOWEEN MADNESS: The Return of the Halloween Superstore

Earlier today, Bodnar and I took a trip to our local Petsmart (I'm still confused - is it Pet's Mart or Pet Smart?) to get our respective puppies some more food and also to engrave a kickass dog tag for little Bark Antony (his name is written BARCVS ANTONIVS, so if he's lost there's no way anyone is going to call me and try to tell me they found my dog). But before we even got to the Petsmart, what did we see had sprung up next door the way it does every year like that house the Order of the Phoenix hides out in?

A HALLOWEEN SUPERSTORE.

I'm sure you all are familiar with these magnificent oases, which vary in size from a truck in some dude's driveway to this one, which had filled a whole fucking warehouse.

Just LOOK AT THIS:


So beautiful. So filled with overpriced plastic severed hands.

I obviously couldn't let this momentous occasion go by without a purchase. At first, I almost bought these:


But that was more based on their name. I mean, based solely off of their appearance, you would never guess what they were, seeing as they appear to be neither ultimate nor boobs.

Eventually I decided on two things. One is something that I have wanted for well over a decade, ever since I first saw A Nightmare on Elm Street. And the other just seemed too hilarious to not buy, and I'm sure I'll get some good use out of it in the future.

BEHOLD!